Adding the "schelb" to do-good causes

The Saint is amazed by the way 'celebrities' have such a high regard for their own self-importance?
These self-proclaimed arbituers of public good - and those who choose to promote them - actually believe that 'celebrity' status qualifies these people to tell the rest of us what to buy, who to vote for, and what causes we all have to support.
Just because someone can read an autocue - or once played a lesbian icon in a rather bad TV show; or was the child 'star' of a long-forgotten, tedious, art-house film and is now just another, Maori, teenage solo mother; or made their millions by flooding our country with cheap, third-world imports or overpriced, over-hyped, over marketed booze - does not give them the right to tell the rest of us how we should behave or what to believe in.
Sorry, but remember how 'comedian' Mike King - who let's face it is about as funny as a dose of syphilis - kept telling us for years that NZ pork was great to eat; but after having had a road to Damascus conversion to animals rights - after pocketing $250,000 for his efforts - now lectures us that it is immoral to eat pig meat? The phrase smug, hypocritical, tosser comes to mind.
However, it now appears the latest schelb bandwagon all the wannabes and never weres have signed up to is Greenpeace's latest climate change campaign.
So why has the environmental lobby's infamously mustachioed and rather humourless front lady - Bunny (which is rather ironic because how are we suppose to take someone called 'Bunny' seriously?) McDiarmid recently signed up Lucy Lawless, Stephen Tindall et-el to endorse her organisation's latest attempt to blackmail New Zealanders in to more self-flagellation over supposedly destroying planet earth?
Because she knows that no matter how confusing or controversial this issue actually is, the easiest way to get the general public - read simpleton population - on board; is to sign up a few people who regularly grace the front pages of those bastions of scientific research - ie Woman's Day, New Idea and Woman's Weekly - and voila she has the latest cause celeb and money making venture on her organisation's hands.
And the sad thing is, just because intellectual paragons like Keisha Castle Hughes and Rhys Darby tell us that our Government must act faster on climate change - despite the fact that this could destroy our nation's economic base and allow other producers with less environmentally friendly products and the carbon footprint equivalent to the size of Sasquatch fill the gap left by New Zealand - the public at large will blindly follow these schlebs' recommendations like hapless lemmings and demand action now.
However, the only action they really should be demanding is that Lucy Lawless stick to dressing in scanty, leather outfits and continue delivering cheesy lines in a really bad American accent; or that Stephen Tindall donate a pot of cheap, facial wax he imports from one of his Chinese sweatshops to his, and motherearth's, good friend Bunny McDiarmid.
That would be a whole lot more productive than smugly telling the rest of us how the hell to run our lives!

Why do they watch it?

The Saint has had the misfortune of having to endure crap reality shows American Idol and NZ Top Model of recent months.

Now I would rather have pins stuck in my eyes and willingly undertake a warm herbal tea enema than watch this crap. 

What's worse, is that the management now insists the TV is locked on these shows when the rugby is on! How does that work?

How can a seemingly intelligent and educated woman sit down for two hours and become totally engrossed in this awful candy floss? Mind you, she also loves those trashy mags too.

"I think Adam is so much more talented than Chris," she will blurt out! Here's a news flash... no-one gives a toss. 

What is far more important is who is the more talented second five out of Richard Kahui and Conrad Smith, or the better fullback out of Cory Jane and Mils Muliana in the Hurricanes vs Chiefs semi final being played tonight. 

In spite of these vital factors possibly determining how the All Blacks may perform this year, and probably just how quickly New Zealand  may come out of the collective depression we are all in. But no, she would rather listen to that smarmy little pom Simon Cowell make inane comments about talentless wannabes; than Murray Mexted make inane comments about talentless referees! 

So it looks like Friday evenings for the Saint now mean going out to go watch the game, while her-in-doors gets all excited about stick-like, prima donnas, mincing up and down the stage - and the contestants on Top Model as well!

Given the choice between watching American Idol and Top Model - pass me the pins and the herbal tea; I have some pain to endure!

     

Making a pig's ear out of a bad joker

The Saint is rather amused - which he can honestly say has never happened with anything this particular chap has done before - by Mike King's recent conversion to become the new self-proclaimed, patron saint of all things porcine.
This "comedian" - and that's a real misnomer if there was ever one - who is actually about as funny as a dose of swine flu, claims he will no longer be the front man for the NZ pork industry. This is despite the fact, he has happily done so for the past seven years and taken an estimated $250,000 in payment for his troubles. King claims he did not realise - despite fronting a national TV advertising campaign on behalf of the NZ Pork Industry for the better part of a decade - that pigs in New Zealand were farmed in less than fairy book fashion. Next thing, King will be telling us that he believes in the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and that he actually is a witty, funny and entertaining stand up comedian!
Now the Saint is no fan of whingeing, lefty, pain-in-the-arse NZ Herald commentator Brian Rudman, but couldn't agree more with his comments on this subject... "to hear King plead forgiveness on the grounds he didn't know stretched the bounds of credulity. It was like listening to a World War II concentration camp guard claiming afterwards he thought he'd been working at a holiday camp."
Meanwhile, all those punters and latter-day pig lovers around the country who seem to have got themselves all exercised and bent out of shape over the welfare of the nation's pig population, might just want to stop and ask themselves a couple of questions.
Firstly; if animal activist/terrorist group SAFE was actually really so concerned about the condition of the pigs it had filmed with Mike King - rather than it being a pure publicity stunt - why did it take them six months before making the footage available to TV programme Sunday. And secondly, again if they were so conered about the pigs' welfare, why did SAFE want to wait another 48 hours - and yet another TV appearance - before they would give the details of the farm to the authorities for MAF to investigate.
Now we have the fun police - or as they are more commonly known, the Green Party - insisting we all immediately take the bus, train or drive our Toyota Prius's down to the nearest organic shop and demand free range bacon. They neglect to mention that free range pigs tend to eat their young, suffer terrible diseases and costs around $2 a kg more than ordinary pig meat.
Maybe if the Greens concentrated on more important issues like why :.. for the seven days before Duwayne Pailegutu died, he was kept inside his mother and stepfather’s small flat in Nelson - so no one could see he had been beaten so badly he was paralysed, incontinent, and slowly suffocating on his own blood. The left side of his body was disabled after repeated blows to the right side of his head which caused a stroke, and he struggled to eat or drink... as reported recently in the NZ Herald rather than suggesting pointless laws stopping parents discipling their children if they are little shits or worrying about how pigs are housed, they would be a more serious contender in NZ political scene.
Meantime, if sow crates mean that the Saint will never have to put up with seeing Mike King's smug, unfunny, foul-mouth face on our nation's TV screens again then it is a small price to pay.
Bacon and eggs, anyone?

Why all the rankling over Christine?

I am somewhat perplexed about why such a fuss is being made over Christine Rankin's recent appointment to the Families Commission.
Or for that matter, why John Key and his Government would want to buy a fight over this issue.
It's not as if Rankin has been given a real job that does anything important. How many of us even know what the Families Commission does? I thought it was this pointless quango only set up as a sop to Peter Dunne back when Helen Clark wanted to buy his party's vote a couple of elections ago?
There is no doubt Rankin's propensity for wearing short skirts and big ear rings, or making outrageous decisions about where to hold conferences for useless government departments, political views, as well as her fondness for appropriating husbands like some kids collect stamps, does tend to polarise people.
However, some of the claims already being made about this rather unimportant appointment seem way over the top to the Saint. We have the press gallery reef fish and other beltway commentators parroting that this decision is the beginning of the end as we know it for John Key's Government.
Meanwhile, card-carrying Rankin haters are almost apoplectic over the appointment, which has harnessed their new found faith in protecting families and caused them so much distress that somehow Rankin will single-handedly destroy our country's belief in this most noble institution. This is nonsense of course. The reality is that Christine Rankin believes in the family so much that she's had four of them!
Let's get some perspective here. This decision is not going to bring down the government, or make it more popular. It will not annihilate the concept of family as we know it, or bring about the end of the world.
Quite frankly, who gives a toss. Can we all go and worry about something more important-like whose marriage will Christine will ruin next!

Arise, Sir Colin!

I'm rapt that All Black legend Colin Meads is to accept his knighthood. Actually, many have been calling him Sir Colin for the past few years - even though the previous Labour Government unilaterally removed such titles and installed its own PC, but unrecognisable honours system.
As far as the Saint is concerned - and he suspects much of the country - John Key gained so many brownie points by overturning Labour's unrecognisable honours system and re-introducing knighthoods; that it would take a whole year of Melissa Lee clanger's to dent his reputation. In fact, it is another reason the Saint was so happy to see the back of Helen Clark and her art-loving, bloke-hating, finger pointing, smug, feminist cabal.
If there was ever a New Zealander who epitomises what knighthoods should really mean it is Colin Earl Meads. Not only is he recognised as the NZ's greatest All Black, back in the days when that meant something. Not like today's "professional players" who are wrapped in cotton wool and paid obscene amounts to lay around playing X-box or date C-list models, when they are not playing or being "rested". Back in the day, Pinetree not only played for free and the only rest he got was on the bus back to the hotel after training. In his day, All Black tours to the UK and South Africa were at least three months long and he would have to leave Verna running the farm and pay another bloke to help out. In those days, he would play a test on Saturday and be back crutching hoggets on his King Country farm on Sunday. The only 'Gym' Pinetree knew, was a bloke called "Jim" who played in the the opposing team, and training was centred around running up and down the back of the farm delivering fenceposts - not having to have his hand held by some "motivational mind coach" telling him he was special.
Colin Meads played 55 test matches for the All Blacks - which may not sound much in today's parlance of a test match every weekend, but let's put this into perspective. Meads made his debut for the All Blacks in 1958 and continued playing at the highest level until 1971. What is even more remarkable, is that the main reason he gave up was an accident in his farm land rover which broke his back forced him out of the game in 1972 and he came back and played a series of farewell matches -- against the All Blacks -- in 1973. During his time, Meads was not only feared and respected all over the rugby playing world, but he used his god-like status to champion charities like IHC. Following his retirement Pinetree also put much back into the game he loved coaching, managing and administrating at club, provincial and national level.
Despite having retired playing from our national game nearly 40 years ago, Colin Meads is still the top of mind as the first name any thinking rugby person will nominate as our greatest All Black. Like the late Sir Edmund Hillary, Colin Earl Meads has carved out an iconic status in the minds of all New Zealanders that goes far beyond his rugby playing deeds.
Arise, Sir Colin - you honour is richly deserved.

Pull the other one, Phil

Am I the only one who can see the hypocrisy in Phil Goff’s carping of Melissa Lee as John Key’s preferred candidate for the Mt Albert by-election? Goff’s claims that that Lee has been parachuted into the Mt Albert candidacy at the behest of the PM -- and at the expense of previous candidate Ravi Masuku -- would have more currency if he had not done exactly the same thing. Was it not Phil Goff who ruthlessly cut off the ambitions of long time Mt Albert resident Phil Twyford from standing in this seat so he could parachute in his friend and former staffer David Shearer to be his chosen candidate for the by election?
Actually, I think it is a good thing for political parties to head hunt, high quality candidates to stand – even if they do not come from the seat they are contesting. Just because someone lives in a geographical area should not be a prerequisite for selection. Surely this will ensure a better quality of MPs representing us in Parliament.
Much like the idea of having at large councillors on the new Auckland super city, rather than ward only candidates. Hopefully this will see a better quality of Auckland councillors and mayors in the future, than some of the muppets the region has presently got. (The name Andrew Williams springs to mind for some reason)
Meanwhile, can Phil Goff please stop the insincere weasel words in the accusations he levels at John Key for promoting his favoured candidate in Mt Albert (Mind you, after Melissa Lee's gaffe-prone performance this week, John is probably thinking the rather ineffectual Ravi Masuku might have been a better bet). Surely, what is good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander. Or is this another case of Labour’s all to practised hypocritical “do as I say”, but don’t dare “do what I do” attitude that saw them so heavily thrashed at last year’s general election?

We reap what we sow!

The unseemly hue and cry of disapproval from the North Shore City mayor and his whining cronies on council about the Government’s proposed super city, reminds me of a litter of fat, squealing piglets having their snouts forcibly removed from the ratepayers’ tit. As a North Shore resident and ratepayer, I have been constantly embarrassed by the juvenile antics of our mayor Andrew Williams who delights in making a complete tit of himself and the City on a regular basis. He is the epitome of what is wrong with Auckland's current local governance system and how a one trick pony can be voted in as mayor, when apathetic ratepayers and a bunch of selfish NIMBYs dominate the electoral process. Williams and his left wing putsch made up failed national politicians and other non achievers are clear evidence of why Auckland needs a new system of local government. We only have ourselves to blame for voting in this bunch of total incompetents.
Hopefully, a super city council will attract better quality people to represent both the North Shore and all of Auckland in the future. Andrew Williams and his sad bunch of looney mates realise that none of them will cut it in a super city election, so are clinging to the mantle of ‘loss of local representation’ in a desperate bid to stir up public fear and hold on to the baubles of office.
Good bye and good riddance to the lot of them.