Nobody asked me…but, the upcoming Australian election is giving me a nasty, nightmarish sense of déjà vu about recent political history.
It seems in all probability that our trans-Tasman neighbours are going to elect a cold, emotionless, childless, professional politician as their first elected female prime minister.
Sound familiar? Creepy, even? Kind of scary? You betcha!
I wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweats and shivering, scared that the she-devil, who Kiwi voters finally killed off in 2008, is about to exhume herself from the political graveyard known as the United Nations and make a bid for the top job across the ditch.
Because it looks very much as if the lucky country’s punters about to put Julia Gillard into the PM’s Lodge in Canberra. Gillard – a female politician with no children; a hairdresser for a boyfriend; who has the worst bogan, Aussie accent - that sound like a blunt chainsaw hacking through ice – is about to be the new Australian Prime Minister! In my book, this makes her Australia’s very own version of Helen Clark; but with the added curse of having red hair!
I don’t know what offends me more about this very real prospect. My misogynistic aversion to unattractive, cold, detached, females – or my ginga-vitis and aversion red heads in general. Whatever it is; Ms Gillard just ticks all the wrong boxes for me.
And I thought the same would be for Aussie voters. Just what the hell is going on in the great, arid continent? Or to use the vernacular of that great Australian – Alf from Home and Away: “Stone the flaming crows!”
C’mon Aussies. I would have thought that in a country that has built a culture of success on the back of mateship, irreverence and the little Aussie battler, then Tony Abbot should be a shoe in as the next PM when put up against the ranga goanna (i.e: ranga is Aussie for red-head and a goanna is a cold, blooded lizard) in Gillard
You would have thought the odds of Aussie voters backing Abbot – a former trainee priest – dubbed the Mad Monk – and a God-fearing, rugby-playing, boxing, surf lifesaving, triathlete and married father of three over Gillard the agnostic, bookish, childless, career-minded woman with a hairdresser for a partner would have been pretty good. But it looks like times are a changing in the land of sun, surf and budgie smugglers – which Abbot is not shy about parading around in I might add.
The country diverse and wonderful that invented the term chunder and airplane black box is about to get its very own version of Helen Clark as PM.
All I can say is thank god I live in New Zealand.
Good luck Australia – you will need it!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Hero? More like a Zero!
I don’t know about you, but I reckon anti-whaling campaigner Peter Bethune’s wife Sharon has dodged a mighty, big bullet by finally splitting up with her nut-case husband.
It looks to me as if Bethune is going through a rather rough and sad mid-life crisis. For starters, he has a ridiculous amount of Maori tattoos covering his arms – which looks just a little too try-hard on a middle-aged, skinny, white guy.
However, instead of buying a Harley and running away with a 20-something slapper, Pete mortgaged the family home to the hilt, bought himself a silly looking boat and joined the anti-whaling movement!
I’d say Mrs Bethune is well rid!
Bethune – or Buffon as he has been dubbed in some quarters – recently returned to New Zealand after spending six months in a Japanese jail after going on trial for piracy. The anti-whaling protestor’s stint in the pokey in the land of the rising sun all stemmed from a publicity stunt that went horribly wrong.
No sooner had he got back to New Zealand, where he was met at the airport by three – that’s right only 3 – supporters and a media contingent numbering about 20, he admitted that his marriage was toast (and had been for a while), and then started whingeing about how hard done by he’d been and that the New Zealand Government had not done enough for him while he was banged up abroad.
Bethune’s whining and moaning totally ignored the fact that it was pretty obvious some serious behind the scenes deal making had been done by NZ politicians and officials with their Japanese counterparts to get this sad little man back to Godzone without spending another year or two locked up in a Tokyo prison.
Prime Minister John Key rightfully described Bethune’s petty outburst as “downright ungrateful”. Most of us thought the PM was being way too soft and reckon Bethune is a downright tosser!
Let’s recap. Back in February – under the glare of anti-whaling supporters video footage (which was then provided to compliant media outlets) – Bethune boarded a Japanese whaling vessel the Shoran Maru 2 from a jet ski in Antarctic waters. He had planned to hand over a bill for $3 million, the cost of replacing the Ady Gil, his boat that was sunk after a collision with the same Japanese ship a month earlier. Bethune had also wanted to make a citizen’s arrest of the captain of the Shoran Maru 2 for destroying the Ady Gil and the attempted murder of six crew members
Instead, Bethune was arrested by the Japanese as the final act to numerous, heated confrontations between the whalers and militant anti-whaling activists who had harassed each other in the Antarctic’s international waters all during the whaling season.
Bethune was taken back to Japan and put on trial for piracy and deported back to New Zealand after receiving a two-year suspended sentence after been convicted on five charges relating to clashes with Japanese whalers in Antarctic waters
So did Bethune’s make any difference? Not one iota. The Japs will be back hunting whales next year. And even Bethune admitted he probably has not achieved anything. “I don't regret anything about what I did, but I don't know if it's made any difference,” he told media on his return.
What a waste of time and effort! But I am delighted to discover that my view of Bethune puts me in total disagreement with loud-mouth, Maori MP Hone Harawira who says he’s a hero. Sorry John, (that’s English for Hone) but a bit like you, Bethune is a zero rather than any hero!
It looks to me as if Bethune is going through a rather rough and sad mid-life crisis. For starters, he has a ridiculous amount of Maori tattoos covering his arms – which looks just a little too try-hard on a middle-aged, skinny, white guy.
However, instead of buying a Harley and running away with a 20-something slapper, Pete mortgaged the family home to the hilt, bought himself a silly looking boat and joined the anti-whaling movement!
I’d say Mrs Bethune is well rid!
Bethune – or Buffon as he has been dubbed in some quarters – recently returned to New Zealand after spending six months in a Japanese jail after going on trial for piracy. The anti-whaling protestor’s stint in the pokey in the land of the rising sun all stemmed from a publicity stunt that went horribly wrong.
No sooner had he got back to New Zealand, where he was met at the airport by three – that’s right only 3 – supporters and a media contingent numbering about 20, he admitted that his marriage was toast (and had been for a while), and then started whingeing about how hard done by he’d been and that the New Zealand Government had not done enough for him while he was banged up abroad.
Bethune’s whining and moaning totally ignored the fact that it was pretty obvious some serious behind the scenes deal making had been done by NZ politicians and officials with their Japanese counterparts to get this sad little man back to Godzone without spending another year or two locked up in a Tokyo prison.
Prime Minister John Key rightfully described Bethune’s petty outburst as “downright ungrateful”. Most of us thought the PM was being way too soft and reckon Bethune is a downright tosser!
Let’s recap. Back in February – under the glare of anti-whaling supporters video footage (which was then provided to compliant media outlets) – Bethune boarded a Japanese whaling vessel the Shoran Maru 2 from a jet ski in Antarctic waters. He had planned to hand over a bill for $3 million, the cost of replacing the Ady Gil, his boat that was sunk after a collision with the same Japanese ship a month earlier. Bethune had also wanted to make a citizen’s arrest of the captain of the Shoran Maru 2 for destroying the Ady Gil and the attempted murder of six crew members
Instead, Bethune was arrested by the Japanese as the final act to numerous, heated confrontations between the whalers and militant anti-whaling activists who had harassed each other in the Antarctic’s international waters all during the whaling season.
Bethune was taken back to Japan and put on trial for piracy and deported back to New Zealand after receiving a two-year suspended sentence after been convicted on five charges relating to clashes with Japanese whalers in Antarctic waters
So did Bethune’s make any difference? Not one iota. The Japs will be back hunting whales next year. And even Bethune admitted he probably has not achieved anything. “I don't regret anything about what I did, but I don't know if it's made any difference,” he told media on his return.
What a waste of time and effort! But I am delighted to discover that my view of Bethune puts me in total disagreement with loud-mouth, Maori MP Hone Harawira who says he’s a hero. Sorry John, (that’s English for Hone) but a bit like you, Bethune is a zero rather than any hero!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Let the Octopus decide!
Nobody asked me, but ... I reckon Joe Karam and co will now have their work cut out getting any kind of compensation for David Bain following the TV programme on his father Robin that aired during week.
I am no criminal expert, but it seems pretty implausible to me that Robin could have killed his family as Team David have claimed and reiterated again during the re-trial.
Just how did Robin Bain manage to get up and collect the newspaper, take a gun from David’s room, find the trigger lock key and put on David’s ball gloves, shoot his wife, then this two daughters, get into a massive fight with son Stephen before finally finishing him off, change his clothes, put on his watch and beanie, put the bloody jersey into the wash while disposing of bloody trousers, underclothes and socks so well that they were never located, washed – nay scrubbed – the blood off his hands and feet which were stained from the bloody gloves and socks, wiped off his fingerprints from the gun, fired up the computer, wrote a note to David and then shot himself (managing to wipe his fingerprints off the rifle in his last dying moments) – all on a full bladder has got me buggered.
As expected, following the airing of the documentary, David Bain’s chief supporter – former All Black and the country’s biggest legal aid recipient last year – Joe Karam predictably went apoplectic. Karam did his best Winston Peters impression accusing the documentary of being full of unsubstantiated rubbish – without actually substantiating what was rubbish and making all sorts of nasty smears against it maker Bryan Bruce.
To be fair, I find Bruce hard going at times – but, if pushed, I’d back him over the Karam any day. I still find it hard to trust – or forgive – Karam after he sold out his rugby career and our national game by converting to rugby league for about $500 in 1976; leaving the All Blacks without a fullback and another test series loss in South Africa that year. In my book, that makes Karam the 1970s version of Matthew Ridge – enough said!
Meanwhile, if Karam’s antics didn’t put me off David Bain enough; then his pompous-sounding, holier-than-though, legal-aid troughing QC Michael Reed completely puts me off.
However, I reckon we could finally put the Robin vs. David question to bed once and for all by getting Paul the German Octopus (with his uncanny knack of picking the outcome of World Cup soccer games) to tell us if it was who did it!
By doing this, we would have actually saved taxpayers a whole lot of money, Joe Karam a whole heap of publicity and the NZ public a great lot of angst.
Bring on the Octopus I say!
I am no criminal expert, but it seems pretty implausible to me that Robin could have killed his family as Team David have claimed and reiterated again during the re-trial.
Just how did Robin Bain manage to get up and collect the newspaper, take a gun from David’s room, find the trigger lock key and put on David’s ball gloves, shoot his wife, then this two daughters, get into a massive fight with son Stephen before finally finishing him off, change his clothes, put on his watch and beanie, put the bloody jersey into the wash while disposing of bloody trousers, underclothes and socks so well that they were never located, washed – nay scrubbed – the blood off his hands and feet which were stained from the bloody gloves and socks, wiped off his fingerprints from the gun, fired up the computer, wrote a note to David and then shot himself (managing to wipe his fingerprints off the rifle in his last dying moments) – all on a full bladder has got me buggered.
As expected, following the airing of the documentary, David Bain’s chief supporter – former All Black and the country’s biggest legal aid recipient last year – Joe Karam predictably went apoplectic. Karam did his best Winston Peters impression accusing the documentary of being full of unsubstantiated rubbish – without actually substantiating what was rubbish and making all sorts of nasty smears against it maker Bryan Bruce.
To be fair, I find Bruce hard going at times – but, if pushed, I’d back him over the Karam any day. I still find it hard to trust – or forgive – Karam after he sold out his rugby career and our national game by converting to rugby league for about $500 in 1976; leaving the All Blacks without a fullback and another test series loss in South Africa that year. In my book, that makes Karam the 1970s version of Matthew Ridge – enough said!
Meanwhile, if Karam’s antics didn’t put me off David Bain enough; then his pompous-sounding, holier-than-though, legal-aid troughing QC Michael Reed completely puts me off.
However, I reckon we could finally put the Robin vs. David question to bed once and for all by getting Paul the German Octopus (with his uncanny knack of picking the outcome of World Cup soccer games) to tell us if it was who did it!
By doing this, we would have actually saved taxpayers a whole lot of money, Joe Karam a whole heap of publicity and the NZ public a great lot of angst.
Bring on the Octopus I say!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Root of Evil
Nobody asked me, but... I bet Robin Brooke never believed that a drunken shag – which he thought had got away with 12 years ago – with a couple of groupies would come back to bite him in the arse so many times?
In fact, Brooke probably thought he’d already paid a big enough penalty for his jack-the-lad antics and partaking in a slapper sandwich when the All Black captaincy was offered to and then quickly withdrawn from him back in 1999. His instant promotion and demotion happened (although it is still officially denied) after the fish-heads at the NZRFU suddenly became aware of this rather nasty, skeleton floating around in Brooke’s changing shed locker.
Unfortunately, this meant the poor, hapless incumbent Taine Randell was again lumbered with the burden of the All Black skipper’s role and he went on to lead New Zealand to yet another unsuccessful rugby world cup campaign. This finished off his and a number of other player’s careers – including the aforementioned Brooke’s.
So, the former All Black lock then set about carving out a life in his rugby retirement as a successful supermarket owner and family man. However his peaceful existence suddenly came crashing down this week when allegations about him having sex with the 18 year old girl after a night of heavy drinking with her and a friend in1998 was aired on national TV.
These latest allegations of sexual shenanigans by the former rugby hard man (no pun intended, well ok maybe a little bit) follow revelations - which emerged earlier in the year - that Brooke had groped a 15-year-old Auckland girl at a Fijian resort on New Year's Eve and then assaulted her 17-year-old male friend, who had come to her aid.
This had led, back in February - and again on national TV- a shame-faced Brooke to publicly apologise to the girl, as well as to the New Zealand public, for his behaviour. He paid a financial settlement to the families of those involved and swore he had not engaged in any similar behaviour before. What’s the betting the 68 test match veteran thought that was the worst day of his life. And it probably was up until he switched on the TV on Tuesday night and witnessed just how wrong he had been!
The latest incident (although it was actually prior to the Fiji debacle as it happened a decade earlier!) is so much worse on a whole number of levels.
The former All Black is now facing the music on a number of fronts after partaking (or even just taking) in some horizontal lineout practice with a couple of slappers more than a decade ago. Apparently, Brooke met up with one of the said slappers and had had consensual sex a year earlier, when she was 17 and he was 30. This was only 8months after he had gotten married to his current (well, at this stage anyway) wife Hayley.
What’s even worse; the happy couple had sold their wedding ceremony to one of the women’s magazines and been the subject of the obligatory cover story about their mutual love and blissful life ahead together. What’s the betting things are not so blissful in the Brooke house now right now - after Mrs B worked out her hubby was cheating on her less than a year into their wedded bliss!
Meanwhile, a year down the track it appears Brooke again met up with the groupies and bought both women multiple shots of a liqueur, before accompanying them home. Apparently the self-confessed “non angels” then happily smoked pot and then both voluntarily jumped into bed with the former All Black – and it appears- husband of the year. The details of what happened after this are a bit sketchy, but even your average prop (and not doubt... Hayley Brooke) could work out that some slap and tickle took place between the supposedly happily married Mr Brooke and less-than virginal teenagers. Then apparently one of the angels awoke from her slumber to find Brooke having sex with the other comatosed teenager and told him to stop, an allegation backed up by a male flatmate. Brooke was asked to leave, but was refused to stop playing hide the salami with the unconscious angel number 2 until threatened with the police arriving.
One of the women complained to the New Zealand Rugby Union at the time, but did not go to the police. Brooke then eventually paid her $1500. He probably thought that was the end of his naughty, little adventure until the captaincy saga and then this week’s Close Up programme.
And now just when Brooke thought things could not get worse – his reputation in tatters, his proud rugby achievements tarnished and undoubtedly a lot of explaining to do to the Mrs. (You reckon she will believe that tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum were the only rugby groupies Brooke has had dalliances with? That actually looks more like a Tui billboard claim than an answer his upset wife is going to buy!)
Now Brooke’s future as a New World supermarket owner remains unclear after a meeting with senior management following these allegations coming to light. The revelations seem to have affected his plans to sell the New World supermarket he owns in Tauranga to buy a bigger branch in Warkworth, north of Auckland.
Parent company Foodstuffs has refused to answer questions about whether the deal was on hold, but said an internal inquiry was underway.
"Foodstuffs can confirm that senior management met with Mr Brooke on Wednesday to discuss allegations made in the media. Foodstuffs will now consider the matter in accordance with its internal processes," a frosty statement released by company stated on Friday.
What punters may not realise that Foodstuff’s is a New Zealand co-operative, tightly controlled and very family-orientated. I doubt Brooke’s sexapades have endeared him to the co-op’s bosses or his long-term future with the organisation.
While it’s said that money is the root of all evil, I reckon Robin Brooke is living proof that a sly root is likely to do a lot more damage than a few dollars ever will!
In fact, Brooke probably thought he’d already paid a big enough penalty for his jack-the-lad antics and partaking in a slapper sandwich when the All Black captaincy was offered to and then quickly withdrawn from him back in 1999. His instant promotion and demotion happened (although it is still officially denied) after the fish-heads at the NZRFU suddenly became aware of this rather nasty, skeleton floating around in Brooke’s changing shed locker.
Unfortunately, this meant the poor, hapless incumbent Taine Randell was again lumbered with the burden of the All Black skipper’s role and he went on to lead New Zealand to yet another unsuccessful rugby world cup campaign. This finished off his and a number of other player’s careers – including the aforementioned Brooke’s.
So, the former All Black lock then set about carving out a life in his rugby retirement as a successful supermarket owner and family man. However his peaceful existence suddenly came crashing down this week when allegations about him having sex with the 18 year old girl after a night of heavy drinking with her and a friend in1998 was aired on national TV.
These latest allegations of sexual shenanigans by the former rugby hard man (no pun intended, well ok maybe a little bit) follow revelations - which emerged earlier in the year - that Brooke had groped a 15-year-old Auckland girl at a Fijian resort on New Year's Eve and then assaulted her 17-year-old male friend, who had come to her aid.
This had led, back in February - and again on national TV- a shame-faced Brooke to publicly apologise to the girl, as well as to the New Zealand public, for his behaviour. He paid a financial settlement to the families of those involved and swore he had not engaged in any similar behaviour before. What’s the betting the 68 test match veteran thought that was the worst day of his life. And it probably was up until he switched on the TV on Tuesday night and witnessed just how wrong he had been!
The latest incident (although it was actually prior to the Fiji debacle as it happened a decade earlier!) is so much worse on a whole number of levels.
The former All Black is now facing the music on a number of fronts after partaking (or even just taking) in some horizontal lineout practice with a couple of slappers more than a decade ago. Apparently, Brooke met up with one of the said slappers and had had consensual sex a year earlier, when she was 17 and he was 30. This was only 8months after he had gotten married to his current (well, at this stage anyway) wife Hayley.
What’s even worse; the happy couple had sold their wedding ceremony to one of the women’s magazines and been the subject of the obligatory cover story about their mutual love and blissful life ahead together. What’s the betting things are not so blissful in the Brooke house now right now - after Mrs B worked out her hubby was cheating on her less than a year into their wedded bliss!
Meanwhile, a year down the track it appears Brooke again met up with the groupies and bought both women multiple shots of a liqueur, before accompanying them home. Apparently the self-confessed “non angels” then happily smoked pot and then both voluntarily jumped into bed with the former All Black – and it appears- husband of the year. The details of what happened after this are a bit sketchy, but even your average prop (and not doubt... Hayley Brooke) could work out that some slap and tickle took place between the supposedly happily married Mr Brooke and less-than virginal teenagers. Then apparently one of the angels awoke from her slumber to find Brooke having sex with the other comatosed teenager and told him to stop, an allegation backed up by a male flatmate. Brooke was asked to leave, but was refused to stop playing hide the salami with the unconscious angel number 2 until threatened with the police arriving.
One of the women complained to the New Zealand Rugby Union at the time, but did not go to the police. Brooke then eventually paid her $1500. He probably thought that was the end of his naughty, little adventure until the captaincy saga and then this week’s Close Up programme.
And now just when Brooke thought things could not get worse – his reputation in tatters, his proud rugby achievements tarnished and undoubtedly a lot of explaining to do to the Mrs. (You reckon she will believe that tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum were the only rugby groupies Brooke has had dalliances with? That actually looks more like a Tui billboard claim than an answer his upset wife is going to buy!)
Now Brooke’s future as a New World supermarket owner remains unclear after a meeting with senior management following these allegations coming to light. The revelations seem to have affected his plans to sell the New World supermarket he owns in Tauranga to buy a bigger branch in Warkworth, north of Auckland.
Parent company Foodstuffs has refused to answer questions about whether the deal was on hold, but said an internal inquiry was underway.
"Foodstuffs can confirm that senior management met with Mr Brooke on Wednesday to discuss allegations made in the media. Foodstuffs will now consider the matter in accordance with its internal processes," a frosty statement released by company stated on Friday.
What punters may not realise that Foodstuff’s is a New Zealand co-operative, tightly controlled and very family-orientated. I doubt Brooke’s sexapades have endeared him to the co-op’s bosses or his long-term future with the organisation.
While it’s said that money is the root of all evil, I reckon Robin Brooke is living proof that a sly root is likely to do a lot more damage than a few dollars ever will!
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