Politics of envy

Good on Prime Minister John Key going into bat for farmers amid more claims made by Labour that the agriculture sector is not paying its fair share.
Labour says it will now bring agriculture into the Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS) in 2013 to fund its $800 million research and development tax credit announced at the weekend.
Labour leader Phil Goff claims the exclusion of agriculture from the scheme was "distorting the economy".
This comes after the party last week released ‘figures’ claiming the average dairy farmer is paying less tax than a couple on the pension and raised questions about whether the agriculture sector is paying its way.
However, Key has rejected this comparison saying the Labour figures were based on turnover rather than profit, which all businesses were taxed on. This is absolutely correct.
Federated Farmers has also accused Labour of playing games with the agricultural sector again
President Don Nicolson says its latest move is linked with (Labour MP) Stuart Nash's tirade last week about farmers not paying enough tax
“It's all designed to discredit the farmers of New Zealand." Nicolson says Labour should wake up and realise the role farming played in the economy.
Labour appears to be sticking to its guns on targeting farmers with its agriculture spokesman Damien O’Connor continuing to run the partly line about farmers not paying their share.
He claims that under National’s proposal taxpayers will effectively subsidise farmers’ emissions for two more years. Labour believes it’d be better for the money used to subsidise agriculture’s contribution to the ETS spent on research and development.
However, Federated Farmers say Labour's plan will cost $47,000 per farm and could drive beef and sheep farmers out of business. The is no doubt bringing agriculture into the ETS will raise the costs of milk, butter and cheese for everyone because they would pass the costs on, as the PM has said (and will also happen if National bring farming in to the ETS in 2015).
Under National, agriculture is due to come into the ETS in 2015, but the PM has indicated that a re-elected National government could push that date out further.
Despite generating about half of the country's carbon emissions, Key said agriculture would not be "thrown to the wolves" if other countries did not get on board. "We are very conscious of the international competitiveness of our export sector. It's our largest export earner, it accounts for a lot of the potential growth in the agricultural sector in New Zealand and we think our farmers should be competitive."
Key said farmers already paid a share of the ETS costs because they were big users of petrol, diesel and power. He added that it was more difficult for farmers to mitigate their carbon emissions.
"If you are going to put an emissions trading scheme on them for the methane and nitrate gases that come from the burping and farting of animals when there is no other option, that's pretty tough on them."
O’Connor is defending the indefensible. Labour’s attacks on agriculture are petty, envious and using this strategy to drive a wedge between town and country.
The last time Damien O’Connor said something remotely sensible was when he labelled the Labour Party a “gaggle of gays and self-serving unionists”.
However, showing all the spine of a jellyfish – as he currently is in regards to Labour’s attacks on the agriculture sector – O’Connor soon backed away from these comments when the gaggle in caucus put the heat on him. Let’s hope his cowardly loyalty to Labour is rewarded the same as it was in 2008 when voters turfed him out of office.

Budget doomsday proponents in raptures

Apparently the world did not come to a spectacular end on 21 May 2011 as an unheard of American preacher had predicted it would.
According to Harold Camping, an 89-yearold evangelical broadcaster for Family Radio Worldwide, the big news for Judgment Day – other than a series of killer earthquakes— was going to be "the Rapture," a supernatural event featuring "the mother of all heavenly jet streams catapulting Christians by the millions into the stratosphere to meet Jesus".
He also predicted that some people (non Christians I assume) would be left alive on Earth and "experience 153 days of torment".
Unbelievably, Camping’s prediction – broadcast to tens of thousands around the world prior to the big day – actually saw some people giving up their jobs and euthanizing their pets in preparation for the mass exodus to heaven. There’s nought as queer as folk!
However, after awakening to find the earth still in one piece and that the world’s population intact on May 22, it was evident that the good preacher’s prophecy was about as accurate as your average long-range weather forecast or Treasury’s economic growth predictions.
Speaking of which – according to the Labour Party, unions, as well as a list of other nut jobs, whingers and moaners – Armageddon didn’t happen on May 21 either, but actually occurred two days earlier on 19 May 2011 when Finance Minister Bill English arose in Parliament to present this year’s Budget!
English had some pretty sobering news for the country. A $16.7 billion deficit meant some cuts will be made to things like KiwiSaver, Working for Families, the public service and the student loans schemes. He also forecast that there will be partial sales of some state assets to raise funds to pay off the huge mountain of debt New Zealand now faces.
However listening to the moral outrage and doomsday predictions that came from Labour after the Budget was delivered you would have been forgiven for thinking that English had eaten a number of freshly born babies – rather than the rather unremarkable and austere plan he unveiled.
The hapless and increasingly hopeless Phil Goff screamed that he had gutted KiwiSaver, destroyed Working for Families and demolished the public service. Meanwhile, Labour’s permanently smug finance spokesman, David Cunliffe (silent T as he has been dubbed) cried how the document basically meant the end of New Zealand and the mass murder of its population
Goff and Cunliffe’s hysterics over the Budget made Pastor Camping’s crazy end of the world prediction look quite rationale in comparison. While Goff and silent T were both full of ‘the-end-is-nigh’ rhetoric, they were remarkably short on any proposals to bring the books back into black.
Despite these most dire post-Budget predictions, I awoke on May 20 to discover that the sun still rose, the birds still sang and life continued to carry on as per normal. I was reminded of the comments made by NZ Sceptics’ Vicky Hyde following the failure of rev Camping’s Rapture to eventuate.
"These sorts of things play of people's fears a great deal and we've seen a great deal of harm,” she opined. “Every year we see predictions that the world will end one way or another.
"I've lived through so many now and we haven't actually seen the world disintegrate yet. We should hold these people to account - we should remember when they fail because they fail every time."
Messrs Goff, Cunliffe et el should take note of the redoubtable Hyde’s views before crying wolf anymore over the Budget!

What John wrote to Don

New ACT leader Don Brash's highly publicised letter of resignation to National leader and Prime Minister John Key made a lot of headlines a couple of weeks back when it was ‘leaked’ to the media. However, a now discovered ‘leaked’ copy of John Key’s reply to Dr Brash has come to light. It makes for interesting reading…

Hon Don Brash
ACT Party Leader
C/- Not in Parliament Buildings (until after Nov 26 2011)
The ACT Party Bunker
Epsom
Auckland

Dear Don,
It was with a very heavy heart that I received your letter of 12 May 2011, resigning your membership of the National Party to take over the leadership of the ACT Party.
Funny, how you only sent this letter to me – and publicly released it on May 12 – after actually officially securing the ACT Party leadership on April 30.
It seems, Don, you can’t commit to anything long-term – just ask Mrs Brash no.1 and no. 2 – so no surprises on that front.
You also express mounting dismay at the performance of my Government and mention your ambition to staunch the flow of our best young minds to more successful countries.
Again Don, somewhat ironic. How can you bang on about keeping the best young minds when you and your fellow septuagenarian Roger Douglas have just purged the ACT of the relatively young at heart Rodney Hide as leader?
In your letter, you pose a number of questions. Let me try and answer these.
Why are you continuing Labour’s wasteful spending?
You ask why we have not wound back on the Clark Government’s squandering of our people’s hard-earned resources, specifically:
• The waiving of interest on student loans;
• Tightening up Working for Families;
• Cost of KiwiSaver subsidies;
• Subsidising doctors’ visits for higher earners;
Simple answer Don – votes. As a former banker (and not with a silent w) Don, I thought you would be able to count. The fact is the policies you and ACT promote garner between 1-5% support, while my Government is sitting on an average of about 48%.
Do the math, Donny boy!
Why are you stopping young people from working?
You also claim that in Opposition National opposed getting rid of the minimum youth wage, but in Government voted against a bill to bring back youth rates. You accuse me of depriving another 12,000 young people of the chance to get a foot on the job ladder.
Don, that is not fair. National is an equal opportunities party and you will find that under our watch it is not just young people who have lost their jobs, but people of all ages, races, colours and creeds.
Why did you change your position so completely on the Emissions Trading Scheme?
You also claim that in Opposition both you and I hammered Labour for seeking to be world leaders in combating greenhouse gas emissions. We argued on behalf of our farmers – the lifeblood of this nation – that instead we should be fast followers.
Don, my position on the ETS has always been flexible – depending what our latest polling information says. Meanwhile, I suggest the introduction of the ETS shows I am being a fast follower on this issue and fast following what the polls say.
Votes, Don, votes – that is what it is all about.
Why are you ignoring reality on superannuation?
You say how you’ve argued for the need to raise the age of eligibility for New Zealand Superannuation, so that it will still be there when people need it.
Good on you Don. You are definitely walking the talk. By knifing Rodney and taking over the leadership of ACT at the age 70 shows that you are far from retiring – or shy!
You also criticise my promise to resign as Prime Minister rather than put up the pension age, claiming this is irresponsible and what New Zealand First voters voted for not National voters.
Is there any truth to the rumours Don that both you and Roger Douglas will be doing the rounds of the nation’s rest homes, in the lead up to the election, canvassing the youth vote for ACT? I am not sure Winston Peters will not be too happy with you invading his turf and trying to surf the silver Tsunami to electoral victory!
Why are you widening, not closing, the Transtasman wage gap?
Your letter also says that you have grave concerns about the widening wage gap between New Zealand and Australia.
There is an easy answer to this problem Don. Just jump on a plane – along with thousands of other Kiwis who bugger off each month to the lucky country – and this gap will be gone (by lunchtime, no less!).
Finally, you sign off your turgid, bile-ridden rant with the claim: “Nobody voted for that – certainly not National voters”.
Sorry Don, but I think it is more correct to say: “Nobody voted for ACT”. Or at least bugger all did, and I don’t fancy your chances – especially with the extremist polices you are now espousing – of gaining many more votes this year.
Up yours, Don
John
PS I look forward to our coalition negotiations later on in the year.

Crying over spilt milk (prices)

The Commerce Commission is expected to release the findings of its investigation into pricing of milk on the local market within the next month or so.
Its investigation will not lead to any inquiry into the domestic milk prices and nor should it.
Unfortunately, this whole ‘milk probe’ saga has been a bit of beat-up from day one. It’s been fanned and promoted by the likes of Consumer NZ and various media outlets.
Consumer NZ backs calls for an inquiry because 91% of respondents to a survey it conducted think they are paying a high price for milk. That result is hardly surprising. Any ‘survey’ of consumers asked if they’re paying too much for something and I am pretty sure a similar percentage – if not higher – would also answer in the affirmative. But that is no reason reason to hold an inquiry.
There is little doubt milk price increases are making life tough for local consumers. But the problem is straight forward – it’s just a reflection of international markets. However, the proponents for a price inquiry have not let too many facts get in the way of their story. They have consistently either failed – or refused – to accept the rise in domestic retail prices is linked to global markets paying near-record prices.
Perhaps these whingers – as Paul Henry would say – should start a group, or even set up a Facebook page.
The reality is milk in New Zealand is actually cheap and represents good value for money. It currently retails from between $2.10 to $2.40 a litre and is packed with vitamins and minerals including: calcium; phosphorus; magnesium; zinc; Vitamin A and B12, to name but a few.
All those concerned about milk prices should pay a visit to a health food store or pharmacy and see how much this lot would set them back – before complaining about the value of milk!
These same consumers should also look at what they’re actually putting in their shopping trolleys – before blaming Fonterra, dairy farmers and/or supermarkets for their growing budgetary problems.
A recent MAF report, on domestic milk pricing, found average weekly household spending on fresh milk in the year to June 2010 was $5, compared with $4.60 in the year ending June 2007.
Meanwhile, “for comparison”, the same report found that – during this same period – the average spent on soft drinks went up from $2.70 to $3.30 a week.
Despite the somewhat peculiar comparison – of unhealthy, sugar-laden soda water with very healthy, mineral-rich milk – the fact is New Zealand shoppers have happily shelled out more for increases in soft drink than milk. Yet we have not heard any consumer lobby-led outcry into Coca Cola’s pricing policy.
Unfortunately, claims about over-priced milk on the domestic market were swirling around for a month or two before Fonterra actually decided to front-foot the issue. This left a vacuum that self-serving politicians and media types happily filled with misinformation and baseless claims about milk prices.
Somewhat belatedly, the diary giant rolled out its outgoing chief executive Andrew Ferrier to fight the good fight. His explanation was simple, but effective.
“Milk prices always track the world market ... the reality is it’s a cyclical market. The world is buying dairy products on that market and New Zealand is no different from anyone else in the world.”
And dairy products are very hot right now. So hot – in fact – that during March Fonterra recorded its highest ever month of exports with 229,000 tonnes shipped around the globe during the month and earning the country $1.2 billion in much-needed export earnings.
That’s something all New Zealanders should be celebrating – especially when the country is borrowing $300 million a week to pay its bills!
In the meantime, I note that petrol prices are at record levels.
Perhaps all the potential fans of the ‘Subsidise Local Milk Prices Now’ Facebook page could insist the Commerce Commission to carry out an immediate investigation!

Is it really that news worthy?

How come when a couple of British toffs decide to get married and it is worthy in New Zealand of 12-hour TV news specials on the day, as well as kilometres of coverage in magazines and newspapers, and radio stations broadcasting live from London a week or so beforehand?
It is all very nice that Wills and Kate are tying the knot, but is it really worth all this fuss 12,000 kilometres away in a far forgotten part of the former British Empire?
Short answer – no!
However, what the media realise is that it will be a ratings winner and earn a fortune in advertising revenue. So – volia – we have wall-to-wall Will and Kate crap on TV and in the papers for months to come! And that’s the reason why all the woman’s magazines in this country are still quick to put any minor royal on to one of their covers – as they know it sells.
Sure William will one day be King. But that is after his grandmother finally pops her clogs and his father has also departed from this mortal coil. And – going by the longevity of the Windsor family – that could be some 50-plus years away, which by then New Zealand will probably be a republic!
Prince William looks a nice enough young man, if a bit boring (he reminds me of the Harry Enfield character: ‘Tim Nice, but Dim’). Meanwhile, Kate Middleton is cute-looking, but about as exciting as the final session of a long, drawn-out cricket test match.
To be fair, the more interesting royal is William’s younger brother Harry – due to the fact he parties hard, shoots people, dresses up as a Nazi and is a bit of a mad rooter. I could probably understand all this media fuss if the world’s most infamous royal ginga – since his nut-job aunt (Fergie) – was walking down the aisle. That’s because we know his marriage will eventually end up being a train wreck and make compelling reading.
I also get the feeling that Kate’s parents – especially her mother – are so desperate to be part of the upper-class set, and make a few quid on the side, that they would sell their soon-to -be princess’s bridal underwear to the highest bidder. So don’t be surprised when you see Kate’s wedding knickers end up on E-bay!
My major disbelief over all the royal wedding hype in this country is not fuelled by any fervent, anti-monarchist feelings. In fact, I am quite ambivalent about the royal family and actually reckon the Westminster model of Government works pretty well here. I certainly don’t see any pressing need for own republic-status and president.
What I can’t understand is how and why in 2011, New Zealand needs to be saturated with wall-to-wall media coverage of Will and Kate’s big day. If it were a couple who were more relevant and important to our country’s fortunes – like Dan Carter and Honor Dillon – then maybe I could understand it a little more.
Roll on April 30 and something far more newsworthy!

Another charlatan to bite the dust?

I see that Wellington-based, self promotionalist and supposed business guru Terry Serepisos has staved off bankruptcy for another day.
I am still betting this little man’s, who is so full of himself he is bloated with ego, time fighting off creditors and holding back the IRD will soon be at an end.
Serepisos – is someone my mother would aptly describe as all mouth and no trousers. Five of his Century City companies were on the brink of liquidation yesterday when a cheque from an unnamed source arrived in the trust account of the companies' lawyer. The money is needed to pay the $3.5m owed to Inland Revenue and another $430,000 owed to ACC. The actual source of the nearly $4 million in rescue money remains a mystery.
Serepisos who starred in a New Zealand version of the US television reality show The Apprentice is also the high profile owner of the Phoenix A-League football team. He is the sort of bloke who can’t walk past a mirror or television camera without commenting on what a great guy he is.
However, the not so modest midget of the business world may well end up starring in his own reality show: Sale of the Century City group of companies!
Serepisos’ $4 million mysterious benefactor means liquidation proceedings have been (for the time being) withdrawn against Century City Football, the company that owns the Phoenix, as well as Century City Developments and Century City Investments. But the companies still to pay Inland Revenue in full are Century City Management, which owes $402,969.60, and Century City Hunter St, which owes $804,061.06.
Any defaults in the meantime could see the cases back in court within 48 hours. And the deal includes a request for Inland Revenue to wipe an unspecified portion of the penalties it had imposed.
This latest development is the culmination of six months of negotiations, delays, and growing impatience from Associate Judge David Gendall. Earlier this year it emerged Serepisos was negotiating with controversial lender Western Gulf Advisory for a US$100m (NZ$125m) refinancing deal.
Despite repeated promises it seems that loan has not eventuated even though Serepisos paid an undisclosed establishment fee. Funny how a supposed on-to-it business guy like Serepisos – similar to failed former Auckland businessman Mark Hotchin – can’t tell a ponzi scheme from a scam. No wonder their business empires end up in ruins!
Maybe Serepisos will follow Hotchin and pack his bags and head to Australia. Let’s hope as – like Hotchin – he’ll be no great loss to New Zealand.
In fact, if he does head across the ditch it will – to slightly paraphrase Rob Muldoon – lift the business ethics of both New Zealand and Australia!

Darren (W)Hughes?

We have all witnessed the death of the political career [click on the headline to get the background to all the soiled (in more ways than one) details of this story] of Parliament’s resident ginga; aka the son Helen Clark never wanted; aka Judy Keall’s former typist; aka the former member for Sodom Darren Hughes.
One does not want to be too uncharitable at a time like this – but what the hell. After all Hughes is a Labourite, a geek, a ginga and was previously a closet queer in a party with more fruits than your average tropical orchard. So what excuses or explanations might have the former bright spark of the Labour Party come up with to explain his rather awkward predicament?
Here are a couple of possibilities that Phil Goff could have thrown out to the media to get them off Dazza’s scent:
- The young man in question was out drinking and met up with Dazza. He went home to the house Dazza shares with Aunty Annette, where innocently and totally naked he went looking for the toilet. Unable to locate it inside the unfamiliar house, the young man in question popped out to use the garden, but the door closed (locking itself) and no amount of knocking could wake up Dazza and Aunty Annette inside. The young man then ran down the street yelling and screaming where he luckily ran into a police car who took him safely home.
- The young man in question was out drinking and met up with Dazza. He went home to the house Dazza shares with Aunty Annette, where they engaged in some horizontal bungee jumping with the ginga ninja. However, awakening from his drunken stupor the young man in question was not too proud of his actions - who would bagging a ginga – and decided to sneak out and go home. Unfortunately, for him Dazza was sleeping on his clothes and the young man decided it was best to do a bunk without said clothes than risk waking the sleeping unbeauty. The young man then ran down the street yelling and screaming where he luckily ran into a police car who took him safely home.
- The young man in question was out drinking and met up with Dazza’s evil twin. Evil Dazza took the young man back to Aunty Annette’s and had his wicked way with him.
- The young man in question was helping Dazza research Labour’s new policy on alcohol-induced, teenage sex.
Far-fetched maybe, but these are all about as plausible as the excuses Goff first offered to the media – when this story first broke – before accepting Hughes’ inevitable resignation.
While Hughes’ actions have put a much different spin on the parliamentary saying of a member withdrawing and apologising, it will at least give him a chance to finally find out (W)Hugh(es) Darren really is!

Enough said!

As Mr Mackey – the school counsellor from South Park – is wont to say: “Drugs are bad!”
One only has to read a recent article from the Timaru Herald [click on headline] about protests over legal cannabis use to realise the much-maligned Mr Mackey has a good point. And by just looking at the calibre of the dropouts, losers and proponents of the ‘legalise marijuana movement’ who made up the ‘supporters’ of the man facing jail over cannabis charges protesting outside the Timaru Courthouse they could be used to make up an anti-drug advertisement .
Apparently, Peter John Frances Davy, 51, is threatening to go on a hunger strike if he is jailed for possession of cannabis, cultivating cannabis, importing cannabis seed and unlicensed possession of a rifle. In a protest against "the persecution of New Zealand's medical cannabis users", Davy told the newspaper he would go on a hunger strike and would not take his cancer medicines.
While the more sanguine of us amongst the general population probably feel Mr Davy’s demise and removal from the human gene pool would be no bad thing. However, not so according to the good people of – the inappropriately named protest group – NORML (National Organisation for the Reform of Marijuana Law). [What could possibly be ‘normal’ about a bunch of unemployed, old-aged, smelly hippies hanging on to the outdated philosophies of the 1960s of drugs for everyone in the year 2011? But hey, it is not their fault – they have smoked far too much dope to make any sense.]
Anyway, according to spokesman Dakta Green, who founded The Daktory – which promotes the medical use of cannabis (and is living proof of the danger cannabis actually is to logical human thought processes) – supporters left Auckland last Friday and arrived in Timaru to stage an overnight protest outside the local courthouse. Some 15 or so bludgers supporters had come from as far afield as Auckland, Waihi, Wellington and Dunedin. (Unsurprisingly – for a bunch of useless, dope smokers – their day-long protest wound up about 2 pm!)
"When we heard of Pete's plight, it wasn't too hard to say `let's go down and support him'," Green said. "We find it obnoxious and obscene for a medical user of cannabis to be treated as a criminal."
Perhaps Mr Green and his reality-dodging friends might be surprised to learn that 90 per cent of the country’s population find it ‘obnoxious and obscene’ that a bunch of pot-smoking, moochers can bludge off the rest us, while they travel all over the country advocating
Davy admitted the charges in February and was due to be sentenced yesterday in Timaru District Court, but the case was adjourned to April 20 so that his newly appointed counsel could receive disclosure.
Green said the group hoped a judge would see reason and not incarcerate Davy.
On this count I agree with Green. It would be far better for Davy to go through with is hunger protest and let nature take its course.
This would save taxpayers on numerous fronts. Paying a sickness benefit, hospital bills and prison costs for such a hopeless case and ridding the country of a remnant of a bygone era that falsely believed that marijuana was a harmless drug that does not damage to society!

Stop making a right Charlie of yourself, Charlie!

It is really hard to do good satire, when real life is far funnier.
However, the recent on-going, public spat between TV comedy ‘Two and a Half Men’ producer Chuck Lorre and its main star – the clearly former, recovering alcoholic and addict - Charlie Sheen has been like watching two drunken women jelly wrestling. You know it is wrong, but you cannot avert your eyes away from the awful spectacle.
It is hard to accurately predict what Sheen’s drug-addled mind has been exactly trying to achieve with his endless round of media interviews. However, all it has really proven – to everyone, but himself, that is – is the former lead actor of the show is the walking, but barely comprehensible talking, embodiment of all those public health warnings of why people should not do drugs!
Here is a selection of some of the more choice quotes from Sheen:
1. "Can't is the cancer of happen."
2. "I'm not bipolar, I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there."
3. "Clearly I have defeated this earthworm [Two and a Half Men producer Chuck Lorre] with my words - imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.''
4. ''The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards just look like droopy-eyed armless children.''
5. "I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
6. "I probably took more [drugs] than anybody could survive ... I was bangin' seven-gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll, because I have one speed, one gear ... I'm different.''
8. "I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction ... the fiction of AA. It's a silly book written by a broken-down fool."
9. "I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, and I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs."
10. "My fangs are dripping tiger blood."
11. "My brain ... fires in a way that is ... I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm."
12. "Women are not to be hit. They're to be hugged and caressed.''
13. "[Porn stars are] the best at what they do and I'm the best at what I do. And together it's like, it's on. Sorry, Middle America. Yeah, I said it."
14. "I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars."
15. "People can't figure me out, they can't process me, and I don't expect them to. You can't process me with the normal brain."
Who could actually make this shit up? Unless you are a totally coke-fried, alcoholic, porn addicted, narcissist with a personality disorder
Now while Sheen may well think he’s ‘a total bitchin rock star’ – and the few remaining brain cells he has left – probably actually believes it.
However, if he does – by some miracle – ever get sober again, the best way to prevent him making a right Charlie of himself in the future would be to first put down the coke, step away from the hookers, and leave the bourbon in the bottle and then watch a few of these interviews.
I swear, you will never drink or dug again!

Shaken and stirred, but never broken

This kind of thing just does not happen in New Zealand.
Earthquakes that flatten cities and claim hundreds of lives often strike in some far off African country – and maybe even in Russia or China – but it is not suppose to happen in good old Christchurch!
It has been almost unreal watching the TV footage and reading the news reports in the aftermath of the quake. It is like I won’t let myself believe that this disaster has happened and the newsfeeds from another country – not Christchurch.
However, despite my disbelief, the images of the collapsed iconic Cathedral and other buildings I am familiar with in the city, confirm that it is indeed Christchurch that has been hit by this earthquake. It is beyond my comprehension that a death toll of over 300 could yet be reached.
I am also struck by a feeling of uselessness and helplessness. There is nothing I can do to help. While my thoughts and sympathies are with all those Cantabrians who have been affected by Tuesday's earthquake, especially those who have lost loved ones, it doesn’t seem enough.
There is no doubt this disaster that has touched all New Zealanders in some way. It has a similar feeling to that of the Erebus crash, where it seems everyone in the country knew or knew of someone filled on that fatal flight.
They say that out of tragedy comes good. And that is definitely the case in this instance. I am amazed at the response and efforts of both ordinary people and the professionals in the immediate aftermath of the quake.
The site of office workers, risking their own safety, to carry out broken colleagues out from shattered buildings. Or people using their own vehicles as makeshift ambulances, when the city’s fleet became overwhelmed, to ferry the injured to hospital. Then there was the enduring spirit of human kindness, with strangers checking on strangers to ensure they were ok.
The quake struck at 1 pm, by 6 pm tent cities and relief centres had been established to feed and house affected people. At the same time; civil defence, search and rescue, police, fire and medical staff were all flat out rescuing people and tending to their needs.
Government and council had both swung into action ensuring the necessary emergency measures were in place.
While Christchurch city may be shaken and its people stirred, both have not being broken. Though the lost lives can never be replaced, and the city may never look the same, with help Cantabrians will again rebuild their lives and their city of Christchurch.

The prosecution rests its case!

Prime Minister John Key outraged all the usual suspects – lefties, bludgers, bleeding hearts and the minor political following known as the Labour Party – by saying beneficiaries who resort to food banks do so out of their own "poor choices" rather than because they cannot afford food.
Responding to a question in Parliament about poverty levels, Key said the benefit was enough to live on, saying: "if one budgets properly, one can pay one's bills."
Key's comments horrified the likes of failed ex-Green MP Sue Bradford who heads the Alternative Welfare Working Group and of course left-wing newspaper the Sunday-Star Times. True to form the SST dedicated a whole feature on the tough life of beneficiaries in this weekend’s paper.
However, despite the SST’s best efforts to portray the PM as an evil ogre – picking on hardworking, down-on-their luck beneficiaries – it got hoisted by its own petard by recounting one of their examples. A real poster boy for prudent and judicious use of a benefit – not!
"Jack" (not his real name) outlines his weekly expenses. From the $240 he receives in benefits, he pays $120 in rent, $50 for cigarettes and $20 on beer. Power is automatically deducted at $25 a week. "By the time I have a bit of fun, that's dole day gone."
Jack, 45, has weet-bix for breakfast and a $2 soup kitchen meal for tea. He sleeps most of Monday through Wednesday. Payday is Thursday.
"I haven't had a decent meal or a proper diet for a long time, probably for the past five years.
"I just don't think you function properly. Your head always feels a bit funny because you haven't got proper nutrients ... you get into this cycle where you get depression, and it doesn't help if you can't get up and look after yourself."
"My first cigarette was at intermediate school. Don't blame me, blame society. I just started because it was one of those things that was cool and I just got hooked."
He worked for the Railways for 15 years. "Nobody told me there was a big drinking culture in that workplace." His crew would go to the pub during work hours, returning when the bosses phoned. "The government folded it up and we all got redundancy ... when the Railway money ran out, that's when everything fell apart."
I don’t know about you, but my sympathy for a beneficiary ‘struggling to make ends meet’ evaporates rather quickly when I learn that he is blowing almost one-third of his weekly handout from the taxpayer on booze and fags – hardly the necessities of life!
But just is bad was “Jack’s” justification for his pissing and smoking up $70 each week. Claiming it was everybody else’s fault, but his. It was either his school mates fault for making smoking cool and getting him hooked, or his former colleagues at Railways for forcing him to go down to the pub each night after work and get hammered.
Get a grip “Jack”. And, by the way, Railways was sold in 1993 – some 18 years ago, meaning that Jack - aged 45 - has been living on a benefit since he was 27!
After reading this I have to say: John Key 1 – the SST, “Jack” and the whinging lefties zero. Perhaps “Jack” should – in the words of the George Thorogood song – “Get a haircut and get a real job!”

It’s just not cricket!

It is fair to say that New Zealand’s chances at the upcoming Cricket World Cup are about as likely as Tim Southee’s alleged scoring on the plane flight to the competition.
Much like Southee’s misreported on-flight antics – where there was very little substance to the rumour – the Black Caps chances of performing well at the World Cup are very much in the same league. Not even the most tragic of New Zealand cricket fans rates this team much of chance. And the miserable form of the Black Caps leading into the tournament backs this pessimistic outlook.
In October last year, New Zealand was beaten 4-0 in a one day series against those giants of the international game – Bangladesh. Just two months later, they took another pants-down pasting in a five match series against India – five to zip!
Most recently the New Zealanders have come out the losers 2 games to 3 in a five match one day series against a Pakistan team that has been embroiled in a match-fixing scandal and has not won an away one-day series since 1998!
One also has to question if our two wins in this series were actually genuine – or courtesy of the Pakistanis’ favourite bookies in London!
Our bowling attack has all the venom of a dying bumble bee and the batting line-up is flakier than Auckland’s new super mayor Len Brown on a good day! We only have two real world-class players in the team – in Daniel Vetorri and Brendan McCullum – with the rest made up of numerous also rans and never weres.
On the batting front, Brendan McCullum is a genuine talent. However, he is just too inconsistent. McCullum’s matching-winning innings are too few and too far between for New Zealand to rely on him to bring home the bacon.
The rest of the batting line-up is rather fragile – much like vice captain Ross Taylor’s current form. Taylor – like McCullum – has the ability to take any bowling attack apart. But does this far too infrequently. Jesse Ryder also has talent, but is too fat and fond of the giggle-juice to be taken seriously.
Meanwhile, the likes of Guptil, Styris and Williamson are fair-to-middling domestic batsmen, but this does not make them of international standard.
Our bowling attack is held together by the barely, held-together Daniel Vetorri. Dan the Man is a great player and good captain, but is says something about the state of New Zealand pace bowling that our leading attack weapon is a leg spinner! Both Tim Southee and Kyle Mills can be useful on their day, but they are hardly world-beaters. Meantime, Jacob Oram is so injury-prone these days, that he is likely to get hurt climbing on the team bus.
To win the World Cup you need more than two world-class players in your line-up – more like six or seven. Australia, South Africa, India and England all do.
New Zealand doesn’t, therefore we need to be realistic about our chances and rely on good-old fashioned luck!

Keeping the tent-wetters out!

Former US President Lyndon Johnson is credited with the political maxim about keeping annoying people inside the tent rather than outside of it.
Apparently the saying came from the time Johnson was seeking to remove J. Edgar Hoover from his post as the head of the FBI. However, when the problems involved in doing so proved insurmountable, LBJ philosophically accepted Hoover's presence with his infamous quote: "It's probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out," he reasoned, "than outside pissing in."
He was just putting a more rudimentary spin on the old saying about keeping your friends close and your enemies even closer.
However, LBJ’s political lore has been turned on its head by the decision of PM John Key to rule out any post-election deal with Winston Peters – 10 months before the election. Yet, while it’s a somewhat gutsy and risky call of Key potentially losing power rather than forming a government with the Victor Muldrow (grumpy old man) of New Zealand politics, it is a good one – except for Peters and Labour who are now inextricably linked to each other.
Key has basically given the electorate a choice – either me or him and admitting his political tent is Winston urine-intolerant. Because if anyone ever in New Zealand politics epitomised being a serial tent urinator –it would have to be Winston Raymond Peters. The guy is the equivalent to electoral Roundup – in other words: every government he has ever been involved with dies!
Firstly, he was sacked by Jim Bolger as a Minister back in 1991. He spent the whole time urinating all over his National Party colleagues – despite being in the executive tent and supposedly bound by Cabinet collectively. This gave him political martyrdom – which he still claims today – and the opportunity to set up his NZ First Party. The political home of this country’s old, grumpy, bigots and rednecks ever since.
Peters’ two other stints in Government since then – in 1996-98 and 2005-2008 – both also ended in tears. It saw him metaphorically urinating all over his coalition partners and destroying their chances of re-election. First with National in 1999 and again with Labour in 2008.
The man and his politics are pure toxic waste. He is a wrecker, not a builder. His only aim is self-preservation and feeding his huge ego. In fact, Peters is much more like maverick political colleague, rebel Maori Party MP, Hone Hawawira (even down to the same over-active, facial twitch when under pressure), than he cares to admit.
Both are far-better suited to opposition and protest politics, than the actual constructive, hard-work, and less-glorified role of being in government. Peters and Hawawira both have limp political prostate glands, which means they can’t help themselves from leaking all over their friends just to make themselves look better.
The Maori Party hierarchy should do themselves a favour and emulate John Key’s stance with Peters and ban Hone from their tent as well.
The New Zealand political scene would be far better off if both of these tent-wetters are sent packing!

Reverse racism?

Imagine the furore in various media circles up and down New Zealand, if all country’s major political leaders – and their various hangers-on – went off cap in hand – to the headquarters of the local Scientologists to try and curry favour with its leadership and members!
There would be thunderous editorials in all the country’s newspapers criticising the politicos for engaging with such cultists and lamenting the influence of religion on politics.
Meanwhile, the talking heads on all the television current affairs shows would be in near apoplexy at the very idea of our leading politicians currying favour with such a strange religious institution.
So how come the annual pilgrimage to Ratana Pa - by Uncle Tom Cobley and all of the key New Zealand political movers and shakers - does not raise a collective eyebrow?
Let’s get real; Ratana is nothing more than a very minor and strange religious cult. From my observation, the only difference between TW Ratana and L. Ron Hubbard is that the latter has a lot more followers around the world than the long, deceased and self-professed Maori prophet.
According to Ratana followers, the basis of their religion comes out of the late Tahupotiki Wiremu Ratana seeing a vision, which he regarded as divinely inspired. Apparently the said vision asked Ratana to preach the gospel to the Maori people, destroy the power of the tohunga (Maori spiritualism) and to cure the spirits and bodies of his people. Ratana established a name for himself as the "Maori Miracle Man". Initially, the movement was seen as a Christian revival, but it soon moved away from mainstream churches.
Meanwhile, Scientology is based on the teachings of the late L. Ron Hubbard – another self-professed religious leader. Hubbard taught that people are immortal beings who have forgotten their true nature. Scientology backs a method of spiritual rehabilitation in which practitioners aim to consciously re-experience painful or traumatic events in their past in order to free themselves of their limiting effects. In many countries, Scientology is not recognised as a mainstream religion.
So what is the difference? How come the Scientologist are not receiving annual delegations of New Zealand political parties?
Would the media be so accommodating if John Key and Phil Goff trudged off to the impress the leadership of the Catholic, Anglican or Presbyterian Churches at Easter?
I doubt it!
Is there not some political rule about the separation of church and state in New Zealand?
Is this not just reverse racism?
Do media in New Zealand turn a (colour) blind eye to the rather unseemly and weird rush by the nation’s leading politicians to Ratana every year because this religion is the sole domain of Maori?
Can someone fill me in? I am confused.

And they wonder why people hate lawyers!

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
Answer:
One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a catfish.
It is clear that the legal representative of the Auckland mother (and I use that term very loosely) facing 36 charges of abusing her 9-year-old daughter is doing very little to dispel the above notion.
According to media reports; Joanne Wickliffe - lawyer for the unemployed woman – has argued that media coverage referring to the "torture case" was prejudicial to her client’s right to a fair trial. Ms Wickliffe also claims that media coverage of the daughter's progress in her new foster home risked creating too much public sympathy for the girl – as opposed to the mother of the year.
To show you just how reprehensible Ms Wickliffe’s client is and how hard up this catfish is for custom; here is a quick recap of the stomach-churning media report of what this wonderful mother and father have been accused of doing to this little girl:
“Police and social workers are appalled at the alleged abuse of a nine-year-old girl whose body was covered in bruises when she was found hiding in a wardrobe in a west Auckland house.
Social workers said in court documents the nine-year-old had been abused so badly that almost every part of her body was covered in injuries, including part of her scalp torn off her head as she was dragged down the hall.
At hospital the girl was found to be starving, dehydrated and anaemic from internal bleeding. She had a broken bone in her foot and extensive bruising all over her body.
Her father, 32, faced charges of assaulting her between January 2009 and November this year, using a broomstick and a vacuum pipe as weapons, and assaulting her during over eight days in November.
Her mother, 30, faced charges of injuring with intent, assault with various weapons, wilful neglect by failing to seek medical help, withholding food, and causing grievous bodily harm. She was also charged with assaulting another child, aged seven, with a table leg and an unknown weapon.
It was believed the girl was as removed from her parents by Child Youth and Family (CYF) soon after she was born and returned to them two years ago, the newspaper reported.
Court documents allege the girl had been violently beaten since the beginning of 2009, sometimes with a stick.
In April this year, her mother allegedly repeatedly punched her in the face and hands. She did not get medical treatment for the girl but was believed to have gone to the doctor herself after breaking bones in both her hands during the beating.
In November her father allegedly beat her with a vacuum cleaner and a broomstick.
It was alleged the child's mother attacked her almost daily and in November used a broomstick, punched her in the face and body, bent her toenail backwards and caused grievous bodily harm with a hammer, the newspaper reported.
She was also allegedly hit with a broomstick and a table leg, repeatedly punched in the face and body, and kicked in the groin with steel-capped boots.
Her toenail was allegedly torn off and salt and boiling water poured on to the bleeding wound.
She was allegedly put in a hot bath and had her head held under water, was starved of food and forced to stand in the corner, sometimes naked, without moving.
The girl may need counselling for the rest of her life.”
Wickliffe claimed the media reports created prejudice against her client.
Sorry, but who cares? This maggot of a mother and the scumbag she bred with did not seem to care about prejudicing the future of their nine year old daughter when they repeatedly committed these atrocities against her.
Thankfully Judge Emma Aitken declined to make a ruling on Wickliffe's submissions and told her to put an application in writing and give notice to the media if she wished to pursue the complaint.
Meanwhile, Wickliffe asked for more time before the mother entered a plea, as lawyer Lorraine Smith would be appearing as co-counsel and needed to examine the evidence in more depth. Smith previously represented the 2006 father of the year (not) Chris Kahui in the trial where he was acquitted of murdering his baby twins.
With Lawyers like Smith and Wickliffe around and still prepared to defend scum like Kahui and the parents of this nine year old girl; it is no wonder catfish are so reluctant to be associated in any way with the legal profession!

Do you want gay porn with that?

Well, well, well it seems McDonald's is not only an evil, multi-national that kills innocent people for nasty profit - but it now hates gay people as well!
Gay activists say the golden arches hamburger chain can also add to its list of evil-doings - homophobia - after it blocked access to gay websites from McDonalds new free Wi-Fi service at its New Zealand restaurants.
According to some in Pink Mafia, people trying to access website GayNZ.com while enjoying their burger and fries at McDonalds, discovered they could not get the site. This obviously ruined their whole dining experience.
It led these latest victims of self-declared prejudice to mince off to the media demanding the fast-food giant - which offers free Wi-Fi access in 132 of its restaurants nationwide - to grant them immediate access to surf gay sites at their restaurants or be labelled haters!
However, McDonald's said it was a family restaurant chain, and as part of offering the Wi-Fi service, its policy was that content must be of a family friendly nature, or suitable for a child to view.
Fair enough, one would have thought! After all, surely McDonalds is allowed to say what kind of websites can be accessed in its restaurants to go along with its ‘family-friendly’ reputation?
No so! Apparently there are hordes of outraged gays and lesbians queuing up outside McDonalds wanting to devour thier Happy Meals and read such family friendly and wholesome articles - which currently appear on this website - like: “New call for ban on bareback porn production”. Or a story laden with F-words about two gay men threatened with being beaten up on Ponsonby Road.
All good family friendly stuff – not! Can you imagine a kid asking: “Mum, what is bareback porn?” This kind of stuff could end up giving Ronald McDonald a heart attack!
There are also numerous suggestive adverts and photographs on the site, which even the Pink Mafia, would be hard pressed to describe as family friendly. The McDonald's policy also blocks access to Family Planning, Rainbow Youth, Agender and other websites.
I am guessing these sites are also banned because the blocking program McDonalds uses comes across similar un-family themes as those on GayNZ.com and refuses access to them.
What’s the bet, those ‘outraged’ in the gay community about this block are the same killjoys and permanent victims who kicked up a stink about the Air New Zealand safety video in which they claimed the gay, male steward being turned down a kiss from All Black Richard Kahui would lead to more suicides of young gay men!
It is time these gay activists lightened up and worried more about the issues of real concern to the gay community, rather than if they can still surf their favourite sites while at McDonalds.

Go backing to waiting on tables you slapper!

I was hoping that 2011 would be the year in which we’d get to see a whole lot less of the over-exposed, C-grade actress and Z-grade celebrity Robyn Malcolm.
No such luck!
The New Year was not even a couple of days old when the self-professed, liberal-lefty conscious of the nation popped up on the TV news, lecturing the country again, this time on why the Government should fork out multi-millions of dollars to buy her favourite Coromandel Beach.
I wish she would go bore some other poor saps.
Last year, Malcolm – who played Cheryl West in the long running TV show Outrageous Fortune (mind you, it was hardly acting her playing a mutton-dressed as lamb, Westie slapper) – was seen for the last time on screen in this role as the series finally came to an end.
In a year which should have centred on the end of the series, the actress (ie: out-of work waitress) instead appeared as herself in a couple of controversial issues outside her acting talent.
First – living up to her claims of being big on the environment (which included her voicing the Green Party's election advertisements in 2008) she was in the midst of left-wing protests against the Government’s plans to increase the level of mining in NZ. There is no doubt Malcolm and her ill-informed friends’ high profile antics spooked the Government and this led to its back down on any further mining plans.
Then came Malcolm’s piece de résistance, with the unseemingly row over actors' contracts for The Hobbit movie. It was another high-profile role for Malcolm that saw her taking on Sir Peter Jackson and Hollywood as the self-appointed local rep for Australian controlled actors union
Malcolm took a lot of flak for her role in this fight, which almost saw the Hobbit lost to NZ. When the dispute was finally settled, after Malcolm and her union mates were put in the sin bin and John Key took over, she claimed she was "thrilled and relieved" that The Hobbit was staying in New Zealand.
Yada, yada yada – as they say!
What I find the hardest to believe is that Malcolm was voted NZ’s best TV actress for the sixth time in a row and sexiest woman for the third time in a row in the TV Guide people's choice awards in 2010.
Which only goes to show two things:
1- This country has a serious lack of female acting talent; and
2- TV Guide is read by too many 50-something, single men from Hamilton, who still live with their mothers! (As only hopeless bogans could ever think Malcolm is sexy).
Meanwhile, Malcolm said she did not mind being unpopular while fighting for a good cause. "I really believe in this stuff. I believe in workers' rights."
Snore! The fact is she now is hunting in Australia for work and I am sure her trans-Tasman union mates will help her out. Let’s hope Malcolm stays in the lucky country and bores the hapless Aussies with her self-righteous beliefs rather than force them down the throats of Kiwis – we have suffered enough.
But if Malcolm does continue to reside in God’s Own, I only hope she lives up to her obvious talents and scores a jobs waiting on tables at Starbucks – rather than continually and sanctimoniously telling the rest of us how we should lead our lives!