Not so smooth operators

Nobody asked me, but… an article in today’s Weekend Herald confirms my ongoing doubts about the masculinity of modern day men in this country.
The offending article – which has only reinforced my concerns – was a full page feature on the rise of the male equivalent of the brazilian – dubbed the bro-zilian!
Bloody hell! It is no wonder it has been 23 years since the All Blacks last won the Rugby World Cup.
I thought it was bad enough when we had rugby players poncing around with dye in their hair and running eye mascara! But you can bet it will be at least another 20-plus years before we see the William Webb Ellis cup adorning the NZRFU’s trophy cabinet if any of our elite footballers are now giving their crown jewels a wax job as well.
Can you ever imagine Sir Colin Meads contemplating a back, sack and crack wax job as part of his pre match routine! And just think of the amount of wax that would have been needed to denude some of our more hirsute former players like John Ashworth or Billy Bush!
Anyway, according to the newspaper report more and more numbers of New Zealand men are undertaking the bro-zilian and going bare down under. Apparently the treatment, which rips hair out of the entire pubic region, is slowly building a loyal client base all over the country (read, Auckland!) after years of – quite rightly – scorn.
Georgia Haney, manager and owner of Hair and Body Bliss in Auckland’s Mt Eden, told the Herald her bro-zilian clientele had doubled in the past year, with four new clients approaching the salon each week. She said her business had daily bro-zilian bookings and at least 65 regular clients.
According to another it costs $95 for a first time bro-zilian wax. Really? You mean there are men out there who are willing to shell out 95 large ones to have the hair ripped out by the roots from their groins!
Meanwhile, Nicky Shore said bro-zilian waxes made up 20 per cent of her businesses’ male treatments.
"There is no type of person that gets a bro-zilian; our clients genuinely come from all walks of life."
Sorry, Nicky I beg to differ. I believe there is a type of person who gets a bro-zilian – namely narcissist, gay boys who rate themselves.
And to prove my theory correct this tosser, a regular bro-zilian customer waxed – pun intended – lyrical to the Herald about how the world would be a better place if everyone had a brazilian. The 39 year old salesman, who did not want to be named (for fear of having the shit kicked out of him, I suspect), said he'd been having regular bro-zilian waxes for the past seven years.
The bro-zilian had ridden on the wave of metro-sexuality and was a lot more socially accepted now, he claimed.
"We live in a metro-sexual age; you can do what pleases you now."
This last quote only going to prove that the waxed one is likely to have a personalised number plate that says something like: “smooth operator” when it really more appropriate he had one saying: “wanker”!