2010 - the year that was...

Dear All
Sorry about the group letter everyone, but as 2010 draws to an end and 2011 fast approaches, time seems to have run out on me so here we go.
[And to be truthful, not only does it save me from having to write the same thing over and over again in countless Christmas letters, but more importantly, it gives me a fantastic opportunity to skite about things that have happened during the year to as many people as possible!]
The year started brilliantly with the opening of Parliament in February – let’s face it, only politicians can get away with starting their work year a whole month later than everyone else!). This year has seen young John go from strength to strength, while not so young Phil has gone from bad to bloody awful!
Unfortunately, we saw a number of political causalities during year – apart from the truth, honesty and the Labour Party’s ever-shrinking poll numbers. The first to feel the heat was the former high flying – literally and figuratively – socialist and self-appointed gay icon and martyr Chris!
His demise came after first refusing to admit he’d been somewhat lax with the taxpayer’s purse during his stellar ministerial career, which saw him take frequent overseas holidays and even buy flowers for his life partner. However, Chris thought there was nothing wrong with his regular breaks on sun-drenched Islands and lavishing his favourite friend with floral tributes care of the taxpayer and was rather miffed when Phil sent him to the sin bin.
He repaid his beleaguered leader’s only decisive act of the year by penning an anonymous letter to the press gallery claiming there was going to be a coup against poor old Phil. However, this claim turned out about as reliable as the NZ cricket team’s batting line up. This led Chris to be eventually expelled from the Labour Party, but I’m still at a loss to know if this was actually a punishment or a reward for his churlish behaviour!
Speaking of horrible ACTs biting the dust; David Garret’s end was – much like him – short and nasty. His youthful imitation of a bad Fredrick Forsyth novel plot saw his political career die faster than the dead infant’s identity which he had stolen for a fake passport all those years ago.
And while we are on the subject of no great losses to Parliament, I should mention the hurried exit from politics of Pansy at the year’s end. It seems Pansy’s husband Sammy’s ability to run up frequent flyer miles on the taxpayer will have more of a lasting impact on the national political scene than anything she ever did during the past 14 years!
We couldn’t do a review of 2010 without discussing the rather bad luck that Allan and Jean had during the year with South Canterbury Finance. Let’s face it; we have all misplaced a few dollars in our time. Admittedly, losing $1.7 billion with the demise of SCF is a little more than your average loss – but who is counting when a financial genius like Allan is managing the abacus!
Of course we were so proud of the political theatrics this year of both Lucy and Robyn, who put their vast and huge knowledge of economics and geology to put an end to any further mining in New Zealand. We are just so thankful and grateful to have such all-knowing, environmental experts; who both just happen to be actresses. Again, we were so delighted to see Robyn excel in her other role as a top-notch trade negotiator and almost pull-off exporting $500 million worth of US investment in NZ movie making to Eastern Europe. Unfortunately, John and Gerry jumped in at the last minute and prevented her from single-handedly down-sizing the local film making industry, but she did give it an almighty go.
Paul had a real up and down 2010. First he was voted television personality of the year and then after innocently questioning the heritage of the Governor General and mispronouncing some dipshit Indian politician’s name he was a gone-burger! Fickle business that television industry.
Then, near the end of the year, we had poor old Christchurch get dealt a terrible blow when Granddad Jim decided to cash in national politics and run for mayor. Thankfully, nature intervened with the 7.9 earthquake that hit the city bringing both the central city and Jim’s political career crashing down. As the old military saying goes – sometimes you have to destroy a village to save it!
At the same time, Auckland became a super city and got a former Southside lawyer named Len – who looks like he wears his underpants over his trousers – as its new mayor. I am not sure if Auckland’s new super mayor is faster than a speeding locomotive, but we know he likes trains and is really keen for the rest of the country to pay for them!
Finally, the year ended with the biggest news of all – that Corin and Petra would be replacing Paul and Pippa on Breakfast TV. How exciting and vitally important – not!
So that is it for 2010. Let’s hope 2011 is as exciting and fun-filled.
All the best to you and yours for the Christmas and New Year break.