While this may come as a surprise to the two or three poor, deluded people who regularly read this blog, but I just want to clarify - for the record - that I am no hero.
Just in case you mistakenly thought I wore my underpants on the outside of my strides, or that I could leap buildings in a single bound, or move faster than a speeding bullet.
To paraphrase Mark Twain rather badly: "Reports of my heroic status have been greatly exaggerated".
And what has bought about my sudden denial of heroism? I read that former Black Caps cricket all rounder Chris Cairns is also denying ''hero'' status.
Cairns has recently written (or more likely a highly-paid PR person employed by him) to the Stuff website claiming that he is not, never asked or ever wanted to have such a tag.
This denial was in response to a recent column penned by long-time sport reporter and columnist Joseph Romanos questioning Cairns' status as a New Zealand cricketing hero.
"I am a man who played cricket as a profession. Nothing more, nothing less. If some people derived enjoyment from that then I am a happy man. For those I have never met and didn't like my play then that's OK too, " was Cairns' slick response.
Great line. And going by the positive reaction from the punters to Cairns' decision to engage a spin doctor to come up with this 'I am not a hero' response, it has paid dividends in the field where he wants it to count most - that of public opinion.
Now while some may call me a cynic - I prefer to think of it as more like having a healthy dose of realism - but I don't believe Cairns' sudden rush of self-imposed modesty is without motivation. One gets the impression it is more do with the former international cricketer's desire to salvage his reputation and thereby protect his ability to earn big bucks in the latest cricket circus which is the hit and giggle 20/20 game in the Indian Premier League (IPL).
Currently, the reluctant hero Cairns is suing IPL commissioner Lalit Modi for defamation. Cairns' name was recently removed from a list of 97 players initially put forward for the next IPL player Twenty20 auction with Modi quoted as saying it related to match fixing allegations during Cairns' time in the unsanctioned India Cricket League (ICL).
Romanos opined in his opinion piece ...'Cairns match-fixing allegations set me to pondering the nature of sports heroes, and why Cairns, despite his cricket heroics, has never quite qualified.
He then goes on to ascertain why he (Romanos) believes Cairns has not made it to the upper echelons of hero status like other cricketing legends such as Bert Sutcliffe and John R Reid.
I tend to agree with Romanos' view. I reckon the main reason Chris Cairns has never made it to hero status - unlike his far less talented and accomplished father Lance who is still rated as a NZ cricketing legend - is the feeling that he was always more interested in No.1 than anything or anybody else.
Despite playing international cricket for New Zealand for 15 years and scoring over 3000 runs and taking more than 200 wickets, one always had a nagging feeling that Chris Cairns' efforts were more about helping Chris Cairns, than either his team or New Zealand cricket.
I don't deny there were often some heroic efforts done on Chris Cairns' behalf with the bat or ball for NZ cricket.
Yet here he is, long retired from the international game, and still trying to hawk off his cricketing skills to the highest bidder. Surely a true hero would still be representing his country if he's able to play for cricket money. Or he would have given so much for NZ in his playing days that he could no longer compete in the professional game?
But then again - just like myself - Cairns has declared that he is no hero. Never has he (or his spin doctor) written a truer word!
Mind you, unlike me, Chris Cairns was (and probably still is) a pretty handy cricketer and no one can take that away from him - even if he does wear his undies underneath his cricket whites.
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