It’s not such a beautiful game!

Nobody asked me, but...what is with all the faux-hype in the New Zealand media about the All Whites participating in this year’s Football World Cup?
Let’s face it New Zealand is a rugby country. It always has been and always will be. No matter what some pasty-looking, trade union-loving, Pommy talkback hosts; or slimy, rate-dodging, Wellington-based, property developers might like to believe.
Don’t get me wrong it is nice that the All Whites have qualified for the tournament in South Africa, but let’s not get fooled into believing this is going to lead to a sea-change in the Kiwi sporting psyche away from playing rugby to soccer.
It is probably not very politically correct for me to say this, but the New Zealand soccer team’s appearance at the World Cup will end up meaning very little to our country.
For starters, Kiwis back winners – hence why we love the All Blacks (despite the lack of success for NZ at World Cups the ABs still win over 80% other their games). However, it will be a major (not minor) miracle if the New Zealand football team manage to score a goal – let alone win a game – against any of the teams they are drawn to compete against in South Africa. In other words, just like say Namibia in the Rugby World Cup being held in New Zealand next year, the All Whites are at the football World Cup mainly to make up numbers and add a bit of colour to the tournament – nothing more nothing less.
So the reality is the All Whites will go to South Africa, play and lose all their games and then disappear back to the ranks of minor sports celebrities where they belong when the team comes back to New Zealand.
As we used to say to all the nerds, geeks, un-co’s and retards who played the round ball – instead of rugby – at school: ‘Soccer is for poofs!’ And in my opinion; nothing has changed – it is still a girls' game.
I blame any gain in popularity of soccer in New Zealand, at the expense of rugby, on overly-protective Remuera, Fendalton and Kelburn mums – rather than anything done by the Ryan Nelsons, Rory Fallons or that awful rate-dodger known as Terry Seriposis of this world.
It is because these ladies-who-like-to-lunch (who also happen to be the mummies of little Tarquin and Sebastian) who have stopped their smaller, skinny, white sons from playing our national game after seeing the size of the Polynesian and Maori boys (who Andy Haden recently so diplomatically and eloquently dubbed as ‘darkies’) fronting up to play their sons in the under 12 and 13 grades.
Shame on these women – as getting run over by a big, brown bus on the footy field is a rite of passage that all Kiwi boys need to endure before they can call themselves a proper man.
However, I am afraid that rugby and the era of professionalism may take New Zealand’s national game down the same sorry track that the so-called beautiful game has gone down over the past 50 years or so. Sure, there have been some wonderful moments in the world of football, but that was back in the day when the game was played by real men who realised it was just a game – not the pampered, over-paid, ponces and prima donnas who infest the beautiful game these days .
There can be no comparison between today’s players to those of yesteryear. Today the Beckham’s, Rooney’s or Ronaldos may have lots of money, the obligatory WAG or two and tonnes of fame, but as heroes they just do not cut it compared to the Bobby Moore’s and Charlton’s of yesteryear who led the Poms to their only World Cup glory back in 1967; or the wonderful Pele who ruled supreme in the game during the late 60s and early 70s.
Meanwhile, comparing Sir Alex Ferguson’s champion Manchester United team of today to the Red Devil’s premier team of 1958 is like cheese and chalk. Ferguson’s team wilts when Rooney or Giggs goes off injured. Man U’s – under the late, great manager Sir Matt Busby – team overcame a tragic plane crash that claimed the lives of eight players and three members of the staff from its ‘58 European Cup–winning team and went on to build another great team which won the European Cup 10 years later.
Even the bad-boys of the past had it over today’s lot. No-one in today’s game comes close to the infamous George Best – who could not only play football, but also dated numerous Miss Worlds and other attractive females, had a kidney transplant and had one of the best quotes in sport attributed to him: “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”So, back to reality. I say to the All Whites enjoy your 15 minutes of fame. However, come 2011 New Zealanders will have forgotten who most of you are and will be besotted by the ‘real’ World Cup; as the All Blacks – our national team – take on the best the international rugby has to offer and try to secure the right to hold the William Webb Ellis trophy aloft for the first time since 1987.